| Ask A Drunk : One Thread |
When I was ten there was a girl in my class who I wanted to touch on the head. I can't remember the colour of her hair but it was definately brown or blonde or ginger. It was the first time I had ever heard anyone say 'fuck off'. It was neither funny nor shocking. When I got home I wrote it on a piece of paper- 'fuc of' and 'fuk of'. I decided that the latter was the correct rendition. With this in mind is anybody 'concerned' by the current 'spate' of patronising and wholly 'unnecessary' head-patting carried out by shop keepers in my particular part of the country?
-- Hubert Munroe (theompan@hotmail.com), May 18, 2002
All well and good, a tear wells in the eye of your average Micronesian concierge. Debate over the correct spelling of "fuck off" has caused wars, made Popes, unmade Kings, amused Princes and annoyed the fuck out of "Look at my dad, he's Harrison Ford"'s Louis Theroux. Theroux's shoulderchip over the issue, rumoured to be as long as it is wide, stems from a parallel situation wherein the facts of your story are amputated (by e.g. a rubber (if pencil)) and replaced by other facts more closely related to what actually happened. But still, Louis remains everyone's favourite emotional timebomb and your story will echo through the years.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), May 18, 2002.
Or, sadly, it will echo until the pub opens, and we all lose interest.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), May 18, 2002.
I had always previously thought that this laconic and truncated phrase was but a shortened form of the more expressive, poetical and teleologically consistent phrase "fuck offand die". I thought the use of the abbreviation was a sad example of the decline of polite speech in this decadent age. When I pointed this out to a master of the argot, he reassured me of the correctness of the locution by saying that it was immaterial to him whether or not I died, it would suffice him entirely if I fucked off. He then departed, leaving me to wrestle with that question first posed in Monty Python's Life of Brian: "How shall we fuck off?"If anyone has any tips on fucking-off etiquette, or on how this manoeuvre may most decorously and dextrously be executed, I should be grateful.
-- Bollard (tim_collard@yahoo.com), May 19, 2002.
If one is going to "fuck off", one should do it briskly and with such style that Vin Diesel phones for tips.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), May 19, 2002.
"Fuck off" is a phrase filled with simultaneous promise and unfulfilment.
A disappointing dichotomy: for a fuck, in fact, is never in the offing, or the offering.
Furthermore, a fuck's right off, and one might as well face that fact forthwith.
-- Sue Denim (s.denim@fcuk.co.uk), May 20, 2002.
So "Fuck off" translates as "No sex today, Paxman"?
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), May 20, 2002.
It is true that our glorious Prime Minister tried to duck that particular interview as he feared he would be eaten by a voracious, two-dimensional video game character.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), May 20, 2002.
Wot, like Clapton?
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), May 22, 2002.
When you are told to "fuck off", you may strut away like a puffy turkey or peackock. If you are told to "fuck right off" you need to stoop your shoulders, look around for a sympathetic face, then, not finding one, you simply "fuck right off"
-- Ken Ledford (kenled@msn.com), June 20, 2002.