Alternatives to a Draconian Way of Kid

I'm not going to bother posting this weeks least interesting story from The Ormskirk Advertiser, I'll summarise -

Apparently neighbouring town Burscough is so over developed with the housing and with the flats that it's schools are becoming fat too full. A nationwide malaise, I feel, but one that needs addressing.

What this country needs is an alternative to school. Something else for "ver kids" to do with their most formative of years. Preferably something where they don't use up too much precious room.

Ideas?

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 26, 2002

Answers

Scavenging at the rubbish tip. It's how I spent my formative years.

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), September 26, 2002.

You could always just run a wick through all the kids and use them as candles!

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), September 27, 2002.

Pink Floyd had the right idea. Compact them and bake them into bricks. Then use them to actually BUILD more schools.

-- Sue Denim (s.denim@aol.net), September 27, 2002.

Bon Jon Bovi had the right idea. Put them into little sea shells like little shell people and seal them in with natural organic factory wax. Then embed them into a thick crust of salami cement onto the side of passing traffic. (NB. only allowed inside the EU)

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), September 27, 2002.

Sweeney Todd had the right idea: put big blobs on their heads so they look like quavers, link them together for hemidemisemihemisemiquavers, string up up from a big fence and invent Speed Light Operetta.

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 28, 2002.

The new productions of which "So Solid Madame Butterfly" and "the Playa-haters of Penzance" will be shown soon at the Burscough Hippodrome, to an audience of a million kids.

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 28, 2002.

But the Hippodrome only seats about 4 people . . .

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 28, 2002.

Its being fucking televised ok, do you get it, its gonna be on fucking TV!!!! Why do you always fucking have to be such a fucking pessimist for fucks sake seriously fucking wake the fuck up fucker.

Hippodrome you say, you'll never fit a million kids in there. I have enough trouble getting 12 in the celler.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), September 30, 2002.

Gosh, terribly sorry about that out burst. I really must stop eating a kilo of rock salt for breakfast...... Although why the fuck should i conform to the average fucking man on the fucking streets way of so called fucking living and give in to the multifuckingnational corporatisim that is 'donalds fucking donalds, donalds mac fucking donalds' as our friend so rightly put it.....Right, wheres my salt bitch. Get in the celler.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), September 30, 2002.

You have twelve? I can only get seven in mine.

-- Zen Clown (martys@iland.net), September 30, 2002.

Thats because your celler is shit, ah ha ha, shit celler, go get a better celler you celler loser. You LOSE at cellers. If i were to picture a celler right now, chances are that it would be better than your celler because your celler is inadiquate to the general purpose of cellers. "Oh, i think i'll go to my celler, actually hang on, i wont cos its a shit celler". Its documented that there are only 3 cellers in existance worse than yours but they have celler-broadband which makes them better than your celler. "Lets see your celler",i said, "i'll show you" he said, "this is shit" i said, "i know" he said. The Moral of that story is dont go into a shit celler, expecially yours cos its full of shit SPIDERS. One spider was even over heard saying. "This is the shitist celler ive ever been in". Your celler suck, sucky celler, ah ha. "Getabetterceller.com" is my recomendation for you and your shit celler.

Whats your bathroom like?

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.feeserve.co.uk), October 01, 2002.

You are not fooling anyone. It's obvious that you don't have a celler...HOLD IT! STOP! I can't go on like this! it's CELLAR! NOT CELLER! You illiterate twits! A celler is someone who makes celery! As I was saying, it's obvious that you don't have a cellar of your own. You probably have a dusty old stairway leaning against a wall in a back room somewhere and you, in your obvious longing, stand there, caressing it and whispering "Someday, someday." I have a very nice bathroom, thank you, matching toilets, an electric bidet and a tub large enough to exercize my dolphin.

-- Zen Clown (martys@iland.net), October 01, 2002.

I think you will find that the illiteracy you ascribe to is orientated about your persona. Your attempted high-brow hermeneutics are nothing more than dilations of your own philistinism, which leave you expatiating about your ‘au bout de son latin’ opsimathy. The celler that I refer to is in fact from a microcosmic paradox, the linguistic subtleties of which I doubt you will ever glean.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 02, 2002.

In addition,when you exercize your dolphin am i to presume that your are in fact exorcizing the creature or exercising it. Or does your spelling of the word suggest that these acts can be combined. I know your American and everything is kool and phazzed zen man, but please, stop whining.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 02, 2002.

We're not sure. Can't seem to close the tag.

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 03, 2002.

Ah we can!

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 03, 2002.

Or can we ???????

-- Robin (Robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 03, 2002.

Bold! always believe in your font! You're indestructable! Never /b yeah, we love bold Bold!

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 03, 2002.

You wouldn't catch me doing any silly shit like that

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 03, 2002.

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Thats quite enough of that, I hope....

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 03, 2002.

I'd do shit like that but I'm afraid my html skills aren't so hot

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 04, 2002.

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WOW you folks must spend a ton on advertizzing for BLISSIUM but i think i will stick to my cheap Milwaukee's beast. and yes i did have to look at the can to spell that right

-- kite (cberkley@sbcglobal.net), October 04, 2002.

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Kids.

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 05, 2002.

I know, having to look at the can! Sheesh!

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 05, 2002.