An apology for Sean M. Hall

I think we owe Sean an apology. If we got to know him, I think he would be cool. I, for one, am sorry. I'm sorry for being a jerk to Dante and making fun of him.

-- Lynskey ((paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk),), October 10, 2002

Answers

What do you mean? I think that's suspicious...

-- Sean M. Hall (seanmhall@hotmail.com), October 10, 2002.

If you could only see Lynskey wringing out his sopping wet hankie, squeezing hot salt tears from his eyes, you'd know what a sorry man he is. We were all waiting for him to crack.

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 10, 2002.

I think you should all be able to deduct from the brackets around the above email address that that wasn't me. I would just like to restate that Sean M Hall is a massively unfunny cock of Atta proportions who may or may not torture and kill baby lambs.

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 10, 2002.

See, I've got a plan . . .

You've made a really, really bad error, mate. From the information you have given out about yourself on the SF History forum, I have been able to acquire your home address.

What I am going to do is send a letter to "Mr. Hall", so in all probability your dad will open it. What I am going to put in this letter I am not sure. So, fellow drunks . . . what shall we ask Sean's dad?

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 10, 2002.

You cold cruel man! If we follow through on your fiendish suggestion, in all likelihood, Sean's dad will toss him out onto his ear and he will be forced at the tender age of 12 to eke a scanty living by posing as the artist's model for a series of pathetic 'sad clown' pictures painted on velvet.

These paintings will feature sad cats, too, with fish skeletons hanging limply from their sad mouths. After the posing session the cat and Sean will fight over possesion of the fish skeleton prop. Sean will often lose, going to bed cold, hungry, orphaned and alone.

What should we ask Sean's dad?

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 10, 2002.

"Why?"

would have to be my question

-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 11, 2002.

Maybe something along the lines of

"Dear Mr. Hall,

Please allow me to introduce myself. Mine name is Proffesor Heath Ledger. I post regularly on several forums on an intraweb bulletin board system called Lusenet, http://greenspun.com/bboard/index.tcl. Your son, Sean M Hall has been a regular poster on several of these bulletin boards for a while.

It is with great regret that I have to inform you that your son seems to be using the internet to indulge his burgeoning teenage fascination with gang culture, guns and drugs. It is with even deeper regret that I inform you that he has been offering to sell people drugs over the net, namely a probolised antisteroidic amphetamator called "Blissium".

He has also referred to a plan to kill nine people in the near future, who's first initials in order of killage would spell out E.L.T.O.N.J.O.H.N. While we do not believe he is serious, we do think this sort of behaviour is entirely wierd. I would like to remind you of the wonderful advances in E.S.T. treatment these days and would urge you to try it on your child.

He has also posted several times about an imaginary friend called "Dante". It seems from his posts that he believes the fictitious Dante to be some sort of moral role model for himself. In his stories Dante is responsible for a wave of animal killings, ranging from "horning" an antelope in an attempt to "tune" it to grabbing a dogs front legs and pushing them outwards in order to rip the beasts heart in two (a dog's heart is positioned directly below the neck).

In his more extreme moments, he seems to verge on the schizoid, appropriating other users names as his own and posting offensive material, containing curse words like c****m and z**p*. This is making several users angry to the point of using a bold type to protest their innocence.

I would advise you Mr. Hall to withdraw your child's access to the internet, and possibly his entire PC. He has boasted on some forums about how he enjoys playing some of the more modern and extremely adult PC games such as "Jailyard Chisel Fight 2: Facerip Edition", "Ivy League Circle Jerk Simulator" and, most heinously, "Peek-A-Boobs", a Japanese "Peeping Tom" based side scrolling platformer.

Further to this, I would also point him in the direction of your nearest Church. Leave him alone with the local Priest and ask him to tell the Priest he has been a very naughty boy. Please repeat this process until he stops coming back in tears, merely with the blank, grey, soul-less expression of the forcibly "converted".

Yours,

Prof. Heath Ledger MDMA."

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 11, 2002.

Wait, maybe not. Sean really didn't use blissium; he probably doesn't even know what it is, considering how he hasn't said anyting on that question.

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 11, 2002.

I've rarely been so fuckin' angry, man. Who does this fuckin' guy think he is? Yo, Lynskey, you're some kind of fuckin' Limey weener but this guy makes me sick of America. You wouldn't

-- Christopher (Ch@wristy.net), October 11, 2002.

catch me doing any silly shit like

-- Wojcek (Wojcek@Napoleon.net), October 11, 2002.

attempting a post under a false name because

-- Gylly (Gylly75@hotmail.com), October 11, 2002.

unless you do it with a modicum of wit there's no point, you imbecile.

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 11, 2002.

unless you do it with a modicum of wit you look like an imbecile

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 11, 2002.

do you see?

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 11, 2002.

Is this a German thread? It isn't funny.

-- Zen Clown (MartyS@iland.net), October 13, 2002.

Nein.

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 14, 2002.

I just needed lebensraum

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 15, 2002.

Would you settle for lederhosen?

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 15, 2002.

This thread makes no sense and now I shall lock it.

-- Piano Man (seanmhall14@hotmail.com), January 18, 2003.

-- Piano Man (seanmhall14@hotmail.com), January 18, 2003.

-- (<****@*****.******>), January 20, 2003.

-- (88-788@345.9375), January 20, 2003.

-- Piano Man (seanmhall14@hotmail.com), January 20, 2003.