| Ask A Drunk : One Thread |
Gentlemen, if I may crave your indulgence for a moment, you find me adrift. It seems scarce five minutes since the celebrated Doctor McHeusenburg bade me enter his Chronological Transportation Device; yet to my unutterable bewilderment I am informed that I am now in the twenty-first century! – and not only that, but trapped in what I am told is known as ‘Cyberspace’! The customs here prevailing differ greatly from those to which I am used; not least, it would seem, in matters of dress. Should you find yourselves able to proffer advice, whether upon methods of rendering myself agreeable to the denizens of ‘Cyberspace’ or upon means of returning to my own century, my dearly loved wife, rolling estates and bloodthirsty recreations, you would earn the eternal gratitude of,Your obedient servant,
-- Josiah McMurtry, Bart. (rex@waitrose.com), April 06, 2002
'Ere, what about all them Eighteenth-Century Gents they've been letting into the country? Want to know what I think? I think they ought to be sent back where they came from. They've moved into all the stately homes round where my old mum lives, and it's got so bad she's afraid to go outside. I mean, don't get me wrong, some of my best mates own a rotten borough or two, but, let's face it, they're not like us, are they? I mean, if their own century's so bleeding wonderful, why don't they go back there?I had that Georgiana Duchess of Devonshire in the back of my cab once. Twice, actually.
-- Peter J Ross (peter.j.ross@btinternet.com), April 06, 2002.
Good Syrrah McMurty. Think ye thy problemmes be so graytte? Why syre, thay are as noughte to myne.
I haffe but one advise for thee: Scoffe notte at sorcerye as dydde I.
"Fie!", saythe I to one suche fellowe, "If your magickes be all ye bragge, and notte the prattlinges of a maddman, then caste mee hence fromme thysse place into anotherre for a tyme, as proofe."Perhappes, methynks, nowe thatte I have sobered uppe, thatte wasse not suche a goode thynge to say to hymme thay calleth "Myrlynne".
Ah well! At leaste my anticke spellinge is notte out of playce herre.
-- Peet Andrewes Eskwire (p.l.andrews@bham.ac.uk), April 09, 2002.