| Ask A Drunk : One Thread |
If so, what are your powers? What do you call yourself? Describe the more ludicrous aspects of your costume. How do you interpret the requirement ‘to do good and fight evil’ in an era of moral relativism? Do you get luncheon vouchers, and/or time-and-a-half at weekends?
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), April 06, 2002
In my day, we had to make do with the plain and simple title of "heroes". None of this "superheroes" claptrap.I proudly wear the skin of the Nemean Lion as a cloak, and I habitually carry a large, gnarly club of wild olive wood, a bow and arrows. Other than that, I can't say as there are many other components of my dress that would excite comment other than the ripeness of my underclothing between baths. This costume may have been unusual, but I reject the descriptive "ludicrous".
My powers are equally simple: enormous strength, a thick skull, an unerring eye and hand, unfathomed courage, and skills to match. For example, I play the lyre uncommonly well. What more could a body desire?
As for fighting evil and doing good, it was not a choice I made. I massacred my wife and children in a fit of madness and was forced to do community service in recompense. It's a living, I suppose.
Speaking of that, the pay was nothing much. I did become immortal, though, if just barely by the skin of my teeth. That's a big plus when you figure in the nectar and ambrosia for all eternity. Helps to make up for the long hours and bad pay on earth.
But my snake-strangling, stable-cleaning, hydra-killing days are behind me now. If you want something done, do it yourself, love.
-- Herakles (clubber_cibber@arsy_versy.net), April 10, 2002.
I spent a large proportion of my youth as The Mighty Punchbag. Generally it was pretty easy to spot the evil, as they would find you. But then one of my powers was Believes In The Universal Fall (+3), and I was blessed with Insufferability.That was then. I now have the respect of my peers. Really.
-- Mark Dickerson (mark.dickerson@beer.com), April 10, 2002.
You have the respect of your peers? Well I saw Lord St. John of Fawnsley the other day, and he was laughing at you. It's true.
-- Jeff Astle's Magic Boot (mike.morris@anthro.ox.ac.uk), April 12, 2002.
The evildoers of Gotham City and Londoun Town now have a new adversary - moi, the Bathroom Lord!! My helmet of stainless steel, with its two faucets of Hot and Cold Power strike terror into the heart of criminals; with my plunger I can grab hold of those felons who flee; my flying bathtub gives me manoeverability in the air; and the most hardened recidivists quail before my atomic loofah!! And moral relativism, in a bathroom where all water is scalding hot or freezing cold? Pish, sir, pish!!
-- Saullie (saulj@btinternet.com), April 29, 2002.