| Ask A Drunk : One Thread |
When menacing my future father-in-law, is it sufficient to use merely a replica firearm, or would that imply that I’m not taking him seriously? On another matter, is it acceptable to wear deely-boppers on a formal occasion?
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), April 17, 2002
Is a superior officer present?
-- Deb Rett (mike.morris@anthro.ox.ac.uk), April 17, 2002.
A replica firearm will just make you look like a lightweight and a cheapskate Rex.
I can see we're going to have to work heavily on your social graces before the big day.Etiquette demands the use of either an ex-army officer's revolver (preferably ones own), or a handcrafted shotgun. An antique piece is acceptable, and lends an air of bygone elegance to the occasion.
Either weapon should, of course, be loaded, although you may wish to leave the top chamber of a revolver or semi-automatic pistol empty, or fitted with a blank round. (These prospective-in-law first meetings can make one a little nervous, and the accidental shooting of the Dear Papa might well put one in bad odour with ones intended.)
A shotgun should be carried broken over the left forearm; allowing easy viewing of the loaded cartridges, and a readiness to be flipped shut and fired in one easy action of the right arm. This flip-and-fire action should be practised to perfection beforehand. Nothing makes one look less socially acceptable than scratching the furniture with ones fore-sight.
Other armament-related social gaffes to be avoided include; demolishing the chandelier with a shouldered rifle; ruining the ornaments or statuary with a bungled shooting; and trapping ones thumb in ones own weapon.The wearing of deely-boppers at ones first meeting with the prospective in-laws is usually entirely optional. However, by combining such attire with the brandishing of a loaded firearm, the overall impression of someone not to be taken lightly will be strongly re-inforced.
Oh, and by the way Rex, you're going to have to find some more suitable footwear than those tartan carpet slippers you've been wearing for the last 5 years. I know they've become your hallmark fashion statement, but they're now considered slightly gauche, even in our eccentric little circle.
-- Pete Andrews (p.l.andrews@bham.ac.uk), April 18, 2002.