| Ask A Drunk : One Thread |
What is the origin of the expression “shelving my crouch”? Why do we use vinegar, sump oil and molasses to clean tapestry? And did anyone ever actually “fly to the moon on a tricycle”?
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), February 13, 2002
I sink zat ze asking of such trivial quesstions shows some deep zeated inzecurity. I am betting zat one of ze bolts in your offize chair iz coming more zan zlightly loose, no?
Luckily, I can offer a courze of therapy for it at a verry gutt price at ze moment.
-- Sigmund Fraud (maker of fine deep-buttoned couches) (S.Fraud@theremustbealimittothesestupidURLs.com), February 14, 2002.
frasier is saddo doing freud so are u. freud fraud. wanker.
-- XStatic Peace (xpeace@hotmail.com), February 14, 2002.
I was always told that the origin of the expression ‘shelving my crouch’ was an episode in 1748 involving the Earl of Chelmsford, the then Archbishop of York (Dr ‘Shagger’ Paunceffoote-Montmorency- Bicuspid) and a stagecoach full of bedridden Barbary pirates. Then again, I was always told that the moon was made of Kraft cheese slices, that the coins missing from my piggy-bank had been stolen by the tooth fairy and that the man who kept breaking my jaw was my real father, although I am white and he was black and a very obvious female-to-male transsexual. You might reasonably ask what the fucking hell I think I’m doing replying to this question at all, since my sense of reality was irreparably damaged by my early misfortunes. But do you seriously think that any other sort of person would ever bother to write in to this pointless, crappy column?
-- Sir Reginald Name-and-Address Withheld (rex@waitrose.com), April 27, 2002.