| Ask A Drunk : One Thread |
Does anyone know anything about that new natural high called Blissium, or where to get it? I tried to memorize the number of the place to order by phone, but I forgot. I can't find anything on Google.
-- amy (gunneau@aol.com), June 10, 2002
Blissium is an unstable trans-uranic element with a half life of only 25.3 picoseconds (0.0000000000253s). It can only be created artificially, through the input of huge amounts of energy to its semi-stable parent isotope, Dystopia.
Dystopia itself will eventually decay, over a period of many years, to the stable isotope Malaisium, giving off large quantities of negative radiation and Scru-uon particles in the process.Blissium does not exist in nature.
-- Pete Andrews (p.l.andrews@bham.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
I was exposed to a uncontrolled blissium reaction during nuclear testing back in 1993 or was it 94? Ever since then I have been unable to memorize any number.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
1. Buying natural highs over the net? For god's sake, even my five year old son knows 4 dealers2. Legal high = cack. They are all without fail rubbish. That is why they are legal (okay mushrooms, poppers, petrol and booze are okay (and the name of the other 4 of the 11 dwarves ))
3. It's called " Blissium". Its obviously shit.
4. Why are you asking us?
5. Don't come grovelling to us if you've got a shit memory. Getting hih will only damage if further. Get high off meditation or something
6. If you stop subscribing to AOL you'll feel like you're high.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Shit spelling negates humour.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
No, no, no, no, no, no! (as Queen would say)The inability to be brief negates humour. Don't make me . . . .
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Shit watches negate humour.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Broken bong negates shit watch.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
Come here and say that
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Maybe I will or maybe Word won't work.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
Why are you asking us?Good question. The name of this forum is Ask a Drunk, not Ask a Drugs Wendy.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Pah people only get drunk 'cos they can't get hold of the "ket"
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
Why are most of the people on this "Lusenet" thing usually so nasty? They should call it "Losernet"
-- (alex@aol.com), June 11, 2002.
Its because we're all off our heads on Blissium.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 11, 2002.
Nobody's been particularly nasty - YET.
You haven't seen us nasty.
So grow a skin, and get a life, you simpering wimp.
-- Sue Denim (s.denim@aloa.nut), June 11, 2002.
Damn! I thought I was being nasty at least at some point! Maybe I should bring back the mandrills by unpopular demand or repeat my favourite joke of all time.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Let's all see you get nasty, we're sure you can do a good job of it, since you are probably unable to find actual living people who want to associate with you.
-- (Animal@msn.com), June 11, 2002.
We don't know actual people? I suggest reading the Ormskirk posse thread. You'll discover a fair percentage of us live in the same little hell-hole. Our fellow drunks here help to broaden our horizons... and encourage our nastiness.
-- Celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Grrrr --- me being nasty... I freely admit I couldn't be nasty if I tried.Unless it's towards Matt, or tickling Jamiroqui(?) or throwing cats at Robin, or patronising Mark Corrin.
-- Celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
Ma’m’selle, you speak for us all. (Except of course in patronising Mark Corrin, whom the rest of us regard as an unsung hero.)Furthermore I met a living person who actually quite liked me as recently as, um, 1975!
And Ask A Drunk, with its lace-hung crystallised-fruit-cosies, its ormolu-framed Daguerreotypes of pious spinsters nibbling cucumber marshmallows, its muted pianolas endlessly tinkling selections from James Lees-Milne – The Musical, is an oasis of civility and gentleness in the brutish wastes of the Web. Today is merely a bad day. Like so many of the others.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), June 11, 2002.
Rex, I could not have put it better myself *tear*. What is the semi- anonymous globalbraination of the ultramesh for but to poke and ponk in the hope that some other mealy-minded ubersimian connects, if only in disgust, at your hearts' oddest slop-pourings? In a place with no proveable race, sex, sexuality, height, width, belief, religion, whatever, whatever, whatever, we are all here to prove to ourselves that we can provoke reaction, any reaction, from anyone of these (possibly fictious) other names we see at the end of postings. Be it friendship, hate, or anything, it doesn't matter.At no other time have we been able to see our brains, the bit we always thought was above the childishness of even our own emotions, explore its own cause and effect. Take my "Their's Dairy" thread. I just wanted to see what would happen to the reactions if I stopped being comedy nutter and turned into "real" nutter. It's the toe-in- the-water thing for a part of ourselves that's unable to speak in the rest of our funny monkey lives.
If you are taking offence at something written on the net, you're missing the point. I've battered my head with drink and drugs for eight years now and I can see it. I can see the net is immensely important on a personal level, yet UTTERLY INCONSEQUENTIAL on every other. Thats why I and every other poster on here indulges their bullshit side, their wierd side, just lets their wordslop start to pour for no reason.
A wise man said once "the only thing stupider than a person who writes something they truly think they believe on the net is someone else who takes offence at it".
I LOVE YOU GUYS *sob*
(Shit I must be drunk)
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
P.S. Mark Corrin is my God, the only true genius I've ever met, not just an unsung hero.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
P.P.S - Does anyone know where to get Blissium?
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 11, 2002.
My corner shop. It's next to the cheap sweets.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), June 11, 2002.
I know the Cheap Sweets, that pub's a famous Ormskirk landmark, but I'd never noticed that it was next to a corner shop before.
-- Sue Denim (s.denim@aol.net), June 12, 2002.
Mark Corrins a genius?I'll have to get in the bath more often...
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 12, 2002.
You will. You stink.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 12, 2002.
I heard the ad for Blissium, too. The phone number is 1-800-511- 1785. It sounded like a joke so I called. The company is Rana Enterprises in Portland Maine. They say the all natural material is from plant extracts and costs $79 for a 30 day supply (one pill per day). They push aggressively and if you decline they offer you a 14 day supply for "free" - $19.95 for shipping and handling.It is advertised as a stress and anxiety reliever. They will rattle off a quick list of 6-8 ingredients none of which jumped out at me.
-- Blaine Nelson (bnelson@cableaz.com), June 13, 2002.
Even curiouser, there is a Rana Enterprises in Downers Grove, Illinois (get it?) that claims to be a computer consulting firm!
-- Blaine Nelson (bnelson@cableaz.com), June 13, 2002.
Nooooooooo.This thread has provided useful information.
Already space time is distorting, the very fabric of the universe is fraying like a bootleg Cast T-shirt after the first wash. Do you relise what you've done David? No of course you dont you're all blissed up, on the bliss, blissing it large, on the bliss boat, keyed on bliss, riding the bliss train like a blissed out zombie on blissium, you fiend.
80 "Anti-terrorism discs," a month, on Blissium? Don't make me laugh.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), June 14, 2002.
Fear not- I have every confidence that nothing about Blissiumcan ever be regarded as useful information. This thread remains untainted by reality. What I want to know is whether I can sell new natural lows ( Rex's hangover)? Or do I need an American address for this to work?
-- Simon (simon@weeble.evesham.net), June 15, 2002.
I’m afraid my hangover is not only patented but reserved for military use.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), June 15, 2002.
Just be thankful you're not involoved in this hideousness http://greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=002pC9s -
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 15, 2002.
Stay away from that Marin Urology board Lynskey. I can feel you slipping away from us.Soon, you'll be babbling incoherently about herring puriliousness and limpet spleen. Next thing, you'll be getting naturally high on cod-liver oil and lobster wee.
I'd hate to see that happen to anyone.My own caviar habit is behind me now, but at one time I was doing 60 grams a day, and leading a life of petty crime to pay for it.
Be warned.
-- Sue Denim (s.denim@aol.net), June 18, 2002.
Hang on, I think I see a cyst on my weener.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 18, 2002.
Well, whatever you do, don't go to a doctor. They don't respect confidentiality the same way people on the Internet do.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), June 18, 2002.
Too true. I once emailed Pat Buchanan my secret plans once. Jesus that guy'll tell anyone anything for the right sort of diplomatic immunity.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), June 19, 2002.
I found this lusenet while looking for information on Blissium. What I found was a collection of people busy slapping each other on the ass for equally pathetic banter. Your witty reply to an earnest question will not get you an Oscar, and only serves to cheapen the validity of this lusenet. The worst part of these types of message boards, is their complete loss of focus. They're usually frequented by a group of "regulars". These "regulars" know everything, respect other "regulars" points of view even when they're as lame as any random poster, and spend much time attempting to appear intelligent by not answering the initial post directly. This amounts to little more than verbal savagery. It seems that evolution has created higher order barbarians. It's twisted that the lemming mindset is adopted, and not one in particular is named leader. Those with the particurally agressive replies, no doubt are covering for inadequacies that are all too apparent in "real life". In short, get a life!
-- Neo Binary (neobinary@hotmail.com), July 31, 2002.
Um, do try to distinguish the Internet from real life, there's a good chap. Anyone looking for Blissium wouldn't have come here. This board is populated largely by shy, retiring drunks, who amuse themselves innocently by poking fun at each other and occasionally at the wider world. It is not, however a haven for those who wish to publicise their shoddy product by cheap and ingenuous means. We take the piss. Because it amuses us. A quick peruse of the board will show that we do anything but respect the views of other posters, in point of fact we go out of our way to disrespect the views of fellow posters. Because it amuses us. And when a poster we've never seen before appears asking a question entirely out of character of the board we will, naturally, become a little suspicious, and may well attack said posting. Because it amuses us. That is all it is, a distraction, a means to an end, the end being to while away a couple of hours here and there, without harming anyone, apart from maybe the egos of self-important random trolls whose access to a thesaurus is the only thing keeping them from the primordial soup. So do go away, unless that's you Porl, in which case nice one, you nearly got me.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), July 31, 2002.
Well, where shall we start then chaps? With the nasty possibility that you are in fact one of the despised regulars, hiding behind a hotmail address? ignoring that, for the moment... With the concept that you were looking for information on blissium? Not, I trust, so that you can escape from real life? With the concept that we should have a focus? And, if so, on what? And why? With the idea that this lusenet must have a validity? With the particularly nasty concept that we should have a leader? ( who could no doubt make the threads run on time). Please try to realise that your version of what is ordered and korrect does not actually mean that it represents any kind of real life.I really hope that this is Lynskey in a bored moment... If neo binary is a real person, it's all just too depressing
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), July 31, 2002.
Matt and I in simultaneous answer mode there... And curiously with identical suspicions.
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), July 31, 2002.
I heard another number today on a radio ad, then forgot it......I NEED BLISSIUM.....CASES OF IT.....ummmmmmm...where was I?..too damn tired...typed "Blissium" into Google and now I'm writing a dumbass reply to other dumbasses....what a wonderful world.....
-- yeah right (alcyone26@hotmail.com), July 31, 2002.
Cases of it? Bloody hell. Look, we didn't ask you to drop by our humble little forum. Why is it that some people cannot grasp the concept of just ignoring things they don't like? It's very simple, google turns up thirty answers for Blissium, of which ask a drunk is but two. So, I don't know...go somewhere else?
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), August 01, 2002.
No he should stay here whilst explain to him in detail exactly why he's failed at practically everything he's done, why he'll never be "right" for TV, why he'll never be "right" for Radio, why the checkout girl always laughs at what's in his basket, why the guy next door calls him "Captain Piss", why the guy at the local shop watches back the in-store CCTV of all his purchases because he "looks like a Winter Mick", why the guy who fixes his car keeps shitting in his petrol tank, why Colin Dexter, yes that's Colin Fucking Dexter, would turn down the idea of him as a character in a Morse novel because he's too bland, why the only thing that'll ever be named after him will be his mates pet toxic sheep with six tits, why Andy Warhol would've described him as a "tepid Elgar" and why the only person who would agree to play him in a film would be Saved By The Bell's lark Vorhees for a billion pounds . . . .
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 01, 2002.
And it wasn't me being bored. When I'm bored I go and throw shit at a church.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 01, 2002.
Call 1-800-414-0457. I heard it on the radio and called.
-- b. morgan (barbara.j.morgan@verizon.net), August 01, 2002.
Is any one else spotting a strange symmetry here? Anyone who might be interested in blissium and listens to the radio (ie people in the target group of the advertisers) is also seemingly incapable of remembering the number this leads to an interesting conclusion and a startling realisation.People who are interested in the wonderful world of blissium and whom listen to the radio are incapable of remembering numbers. Maybe this is due to a lack of blissium, catch 22.
So maybe net savvy advertisers will search the web to see what kind of reaction blissium is receiving out in the virtual world and in their google results will be this thread, maybe they'll click on it as so many others have before. Reading through the posts here they will then realise that their campaign whilst raising interest has thus far been failing to convey the necessary information to the target demographic, namely the oh so critical phone number. They may then redouble the campaign perhaps starting some sort of blissium web site with maybe a blissium flash game for bored secretaries to email to each other and blissium desktop theme for Windows with custom blissium sounds and mouse pointers, or perhaps enhancing there radio advert to increase the prominence of the easily forgotten phone number perhaps resorting to say a male voice choir with west country accents singing the phone number to the tune of a popular folk song or perhaps a rather intense man with an northern regional accent striking similar to the "big brother voice" repeating the phone number several times whilst making cliché’d pop culture references who can tell? The result of this caustic commercial campaign will be that info on blissium will be easy to find. In fact I see my self closing numerous blissium? Spy on them with a X10 camera, who knows you may see an attractive model having sex as well." Anyway the upshot of this is that you'll be able to get hold of all the blissium you desire and all down to us.
Oh and this ones for google
LOOKING FOR INFORMATION ON BLISSIUM THE NEW NATURAL HERBAL HIGH THATS JUST LIKE PROZAC? BLISSIUM IS THE NEW NATURAL HERBAL HIGH THAT IS JUST LIKE PROZAC YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THE PHONE NUMBER ON THE RADIO ADVERT BUT NOT BEEN ABLE TO REMEMBER IT DONT WORRY ALL THE INFORMATION YOU COULD POSSIBLY NEED ABOUT BLISSIUM THE NEW NATURAL HERBAL HIGH THATS JUST LIKE PROZAC IS RIGHT HERE INCLUDING THE PHONE NUMBER FROM THE ADVERT ON THE RADIO IM TELLING THE TRUTH BLISSIUM BLISSIUM BLISSIUM
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), August 01, 2002.
You drunks are funny as hell. I think I love you guys.
-- Popcat (lissard99@aol.com), August 02, 2002.
Well, we all think you're a simpering little shit, so there you go . . .
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 02, 2002.
OK all you babbling burnouts,I have a horrible memory as well but it doeswork long enough to reach a pen.Now I'm only going to say this once so get your pencils ready...1-888-581-1477. Maybe now we will see some guinie pigs come forth.I wonder if you can smoke it?
-- Rick Smith (rathrbdiving@hotmail.com), August 02, 2002.
Dear Popcat, please ignore that unfortunate outburst from my colleague. Quite out of character, I assure you. He’s been under a lot of strain recently, what with being shot in the back and thrown into liquid concrete on the site of the Ormskirk Flyover. Not for the first time, either.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), August 02, 2002.
Anyone else noticed that the various blissium phone numbers that have posted are different?
-- celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 03, 2002.
Yo Dudes! Ya'll are trippin'!!! But thanks for the numbers....
-- Jeff (PhatRanger22@hotmail.com), August 03, 2002.
Tripping, you say?
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), August 03, 2002.
It's a widely beleived fact...Blissium addicts of the world. Leave your computers. Get up now. Get up now and leave your computers. Get up now, get up and walk to your doors. Open your doors. Get up and open your doors. Go out of your doors. Leave your computers and open your doors. Go outside. Get up, leave your computers and go outside. Find a brick. Throw the brick. Get up now. Get up, leave your computers, walk to your doors, open your doors, go outside, find a brick, throw a brick. Like as not you'll hit a "drug dealer". Buy some drugs. For fuck's sake, do you people need a map?
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), August 03, 2002.
I don't know, but when you find it, I WANT SOME TOO!!!!!!!
-- Jen (jlovematt@aol.com), August 04, 2002.
I'm presuming that's you, Jim.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), August 04, 2002.
See, this is what happens when you start posting under false names, Matt, you begin to doubt everybody . . . .
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 05, 2002.
PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS DO WORK
-- Harry Johnson (drj003@yahoo.com), August 05, 2002.
And not only that: Totnes & District Amateur Theatrical Society have a smash hit on their hands with their current production of The Student Prince!Surely all’s for the best in the best of all possible worlds.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), August 05, 2002.
hey guys check out X-Stress, same concept only cheaper and they have a web-site. site is proactivelabsinc.com, check it out.
-- salisa (salisa75@yahoo.com), August 06, 2002.
Or maybe I'll stay here and contemplate the cruel and disturbing paradox of the Giraffe Spider. These creatures are native to Australia and survive by licking parasites off the underside of the leaves of potted plants using their long neck.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 09, 2002.
Where can I get some Pissium? (har har)
-- Blue Eagle (eagle_azure@yahoo.com), August 11, 2002.
ain't nothin'like the real thing
-- sharon (jwrugh@lycos.com), August 12, 2002.
Herbs Work! Im on them I love them,Illegal drugs suck! Dont compare herbs to that shit! I want to try Blissium but I cant get a straight answer from you burn outs! By the way is Baccardi an herb?
-- lori homes (babyjerr@yahoo.com), August 17, 2002.
Bacardi comes from a small pig-like mammal called the Tony-Horse. You sextract pigment from the skin on its forehead and mix it with human sweat, and lo and behold - Bacardi.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 17, 2002.
Ah, but whose sweat? Am I allowed to choose? If the lecher in my head can choose, I would be happy to provide a list of my preferred sweat donors. Should we be urging the introduction of a sweat donor card?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), August 17, 2002.
Go on then, who's sweat would you drink?
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 17, 2002.
I would drink the sweat of Sir Patrick Moooooore, sucking at the sweet nay sacchariferous liquid as it dripped off his shiny monocle while he stood motionless, transfixed by the splendid sight of the horsehead nebula in all its celestial glory.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), August 19, 2002.
Shallower than Jarl'rmai, my thoughts would I confess turn to Tea Leoni, Helena Bonham Carter and that girl on the 5.30 train. If however we are to believe those primitives who absorb essences with the entrails of their enemies, the world is my oyster (shellfish and sweat having something in common). Then we look to a list of heroes- on which point it occurs to me that we have here a route to support Uncle Rex in his search for world domination. If we were to nominate those heroes, an awful lot of posts would be involved. For my money, although the sweat involved might be a bit clammy by now, I vote for..
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), August 19, 2002.
Oliver Cromwell
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), August 19, 2002.
Thea Gilmore- for music
-- Simon- now back from the pub (weebleman@hotmail.com), August 19, 2002.
So has anyone tried the real Blissium as posted in:I heard the ad for Blissium, too. The phone number is 1-800-511- 1785. It sounded like a joke so I called. The company is Rana Enterprises in Portland Maine. They say the all natural material is from plant extracts and costs $79 for a 30 day supply (one pill per day). They push aggressively and if you decline they offer you a 14 day supply for "free" - $19.95 for shipping and handling. It is advertised as a stress and anxiety reliever. They will rattle off a quick list of 6-8 ingredients none of which jumped out at me.
-- Tony Schiavone (tonyschiavone@hotmail.com), August 19, 2002.
no...
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), August 20, 2002.
Why the hell would we actually want to try the stuff? A friend of mine got some off Marin Urology Industries, Washington. It came in a blue box and was all yellow and dribbly.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 20, 2002.
The Real Blissium? You mean that new BBC show in which NOTHING AT ALL happens.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), August 20, 2002.
It sounded like a joke so I calledTHIS IS HOW THEY TRAP YOU
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), August 21, 2002.
Matt pointed this out on 1st August but I didn’t understand because he used short words: this thread is now NUMBER TWO ON GOOGLE FOR ‘BLISSIUM’! Oh happy day!And number one is merely blissium.com itself, which for some reason I can’t get into at all.
A few extracts from less high-flying threads:
Number six: ‘ My sun [sic] ordered blissium and later called me informing me he believes the company may be “jerking” him around’ (oh, surely not?)
Number t hirteen: ‘I wonder how long it will take before the FDA tracks those responsible to Argentina or wherever-the-hell and beats them down.’ ‘Is that the real name of the drug? I wonder if there's any info online about it’ (there is, there is!)
Number sixteen: ‘At first I thought it was a joke ad … It doesn't work like prozac and has no harmful side effects (yeah, right) … I practice Zen Buddhism daily, which has had a profound improvement on my inner health, my outlook on life, and inner peace. Stupid me! I could have just been popping Blissium this whole time for the same results! Buddhists everywhere are going to be out of business in a few months. ’
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), August 25, 2002.
D'ya reckon we all get blissium.org or something? We need the touch of authority that only a .org address provides.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 27, 2002.
nah .eu.org its free.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), August 28, 2002.
buy blissium at 888-868-2650
-- emo doeywright (emo@hotmail.com), August 28, 2002.
Don't listen to them. That phone number merely puts you through to a psychopathic sex dwarf hell bent on selling you double glazing.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), August 29, 2002.
I never mentioned double glazing, though some nice leaded lights might be a possibility if you ask nicely
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 04, 2002.
i heard the commercial on 98.7 the gater a radio station in west palm bch, florida. call the station p.s . that is the correct spelling.
-- wayne riley (WayRly@aol.com), September 06, 2002.
Who the fuck are you people?
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 06, 2002.
No you didn't spell it right.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 06, 2002.
what, bch?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 06, 2002.
nthng tssr
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 06, 2002.
yo i took 2 pills on monday, the next thing i know its thursday afternoon im naked in the middle of the road directing traffic. how can people sell this stuff? sombodies gonna get killed...
-- wayne riley (WayRly@aol.com), September 06, 2002.
OMG! Ok - some awesome personality floating around in here. I wasnt gona post, but could not resist. I was also searching for info on this Blissium - this thread popped up, oddly enough first hit. By the time I got thru reading to the end of the thread, I didnt need Blissum anymore, as I was already laughing my head off with one hell of a smile.hehe! Thanks for a good laugh. Good luck Peeps ...
-- Tammy (tlshipp@msn.com), September 09, 2002.
Yeah i ordered blissium and recieved it a couple of weeks ago. I don't understand why everyone makes a big deal over it. I felt no results from the pills. It maybe due to the fact that i'm already too fucked up like the rest of you people. There is one thing that has been said that is true. I'm a mailman and when i was on blissium I could not remember the address numbers for shit. I've already made the call to send this rip off back.
-- michael wood (michaeljoew6@excite.com), September 09, 2002.
Stay away from the "Bliss" or Dad will eat your soul.
-- Jesus (jesus@heaven.afterlife.god), September 09, 2002.
Really?
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 09, 2002.
No, not really, because: 1. my dad's bigger than his Dad, and 2. Jesus is to real as Blissium is to drug
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 09, 2002.
Really?
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 10, 2002.
Regular Ask a Drunkites may be wondering "how did he add the same message twice?"The answer is a childish but satisfying "nah nah ne nah nah"
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 10, 2002.
I'm not, I'm currently wondering just how big Simon's dad is if he's bigger than God. Could you please provide us with a diagram, Simon?
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 10, 2002.
Rarely and unusually for this forum, I was lying... It used to work when I was six, though. Mind you, in my concept of God, he's only two feet high ( albeit with a really nasty sense of humour) so I still think my Dad's bigger. I would be fascinated to hear alternative theories, preferrably backed by any evidence whatsoever
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 10, 2002.
Sorry- I'm at work and the rational world (contradiction in terms)was trying to seep into my thought processes in its normal slimy fashion. What I meant was that I'd be fascinated to hear any theories- I appreciate that evidence is not required (a) because this is Ask a Drunk and (b) because it's God and (c) I won't believe it anyway.
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 10, 2002.
How many fingers am I holding up?
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 10, 2002.
Probably two. Or alternatively, you're not- it's a tentacle
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 10, 2002.
Ah, Alternative Tentacles . . . great record label.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 11, 2002.
I'm probably being a hypocrite for what I'm about to say due to me now posting a response but what the hell. ALL OF YOU NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE! ESPECIALY THE ONES WHO CAN'T SPELL WORTH SHIT (PAUL)! CHEERS! :) PS. Amy, you take whatever you need! That mailman has been licking too many stamps.
-- Kevin (killroy89_is@hotmail.com), September 13, 2002.
Ah, he jumps threads like Knievel jumps cars! Votes on whether I should do a song about Kevin . . . ? P.S I'm proud of my mis- spelling - it's like a benchmark of how pissed I am when I post . . .
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 14, 2002.
I love when someone starts going on about spelling on forums, it adds an air of class to proceedings.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 14, 2002.
Mind you, I trust that you noticed how the esteemed Kevin spells "ESPECIALY". Whilst I entirely agree that spelling adds a certain class, I think that we should also mark posters down on poor punctuation, particularly re the apostrophe. A campaign for greater and better use of the semi-colon could be our lasting legacy. Kevin, do they have semi-colons in America?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 14, 2002.
1 k0u1d ju57 574|27 d01|\|9 /\/\'/ p0575 1|\| 7|-|47 4|\||\|0'/1|\|9 31173 5p34|< |2u8815|-| 1F '/0u 4|23|\|'7 |-|4pp'/ \/\/17|-| /\/\'/ ku|2|23|\|7 5p131. 1'\/3 4 F3311|\|9 '/0u'd F1|\|d 17 3\/3|\| /\/ \0|23 F|2u57|2471|\|9.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 15, 2002.
Oh.....fuck off
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 15, 2002.
Is this the "Blissum" forum?!? Just DRINK for God's sake! If you quit being a pome you wouldn't be killed for it in taxes.
-- 2 (1@3.4), September 15, 2002.
Here is the deal. Once upon a time a man called Rex stumbled across a forum called Ask A Drunk, it's a long story, detailed here .The forum grew, more people started posting. Then someone called Amy posted this thread here. She had never posted before, nor has she posted since. My guess is "she" was possibly involved in marketing the drug and decided to post a question to a random forum to see what people knew.
"She" was posting to a bunch of downright wierdos. If "she" had bothered to look at the rest of the posts on this forum she would have known not to. Or at least to have mentioned mandrills somewhere along the line.
Then, this thread started appearing quite high on a Google search for "Blissium", as not much info was about. Hence, all the poor unfortunate fools who Googled for the Bliss ended up here.
The people posting on this forum are not medical experts, nor are we Blissium Scientists, Marketeers, Takers or anything else to do with the dreaded Bliss.
We are scum. Subhuman, wierd scum. The kind of people who spend thirty minutes of their day making up stories about Lucky Lucas the Sea Horse to amuse about FIVE people. Four of which we have a phone number for.
We have no lives. We have no desire to get lives. Lives are what make people buy microwaveable bacon and kill cats. Lives are what make people vote for Clint Eastwood and attend pro-cannibis marches. Lives are shit. But not as shit as we are.
Leave us alone. We demand our privacy to concoct another paragraph about Louis Gossett Jnr. and his MASSIVE CAR
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 15, 2002.
And by the way, spelling and punctuating correctly on a forum like this would be like wearing a dinner jacket to a crack den.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 15, 2002.
Oh Lynskey. There I was thinking that you had class. Of course you should wear your dinner jacket, if invited to a formal function at your local crack den or wendy house. One has obligations in such cases to set the tone.
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 16, 2002.
Simon, Simon, when will you wake up and smell the Ming-like doctrine of John Major? This is a classless society we live in. The popular fashion with the shooting stars of our world today is a comfy bohemian style.The horrors that were evident on last nights' College Girls show on Channel Four are a dying, dying breed. These days a young urban lad can get a film crew to realise his idea of a story about a girl who just loves doing gigs out of the back of a pick-up.
"I want it to start way up high" - his words and the monotonous omni- phrase of the crack den. Even Paul Kingston says there is no class in the modern world. Who is he? I don't know. Classless.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 16, 2002.
If I may single out a couple of points about your defence. "American Unexceptionalism" seems to be a book by the author you cite- there may be exceptions hiding out there, but I fear that at AAD we have taken exception to several Americans ( the esteemed Kevin lurches to mind). Secondly I see that bohemian/neo hippy is now defined as "sophisticated without being overly embellished", "But the real appeal is in its feel". I fear that AAD may in fact sometimes be overembellished ( whisper it who dares). As for its appeal- God knows, but feelicomputer has not yet reached me... The point of this post temporarily escapes me, but I am sure that I had a really good point. Please could you just wait there a mo
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 16, 2002.
waiting in antici...pation
-- Celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 16, 2002.
As I'm sure are the bods on Mindless Prattle . . . don't worry we'll leave you alone in your kingdom of tree . . . .
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 17, 2002.
"kingdom of tree..."?? this isn't I trust a reversion to the jungle home of those primates whose name we dare not speak?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 20, 2002.
Yes. Yes it is.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 20, 2002.
No, no it's not.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 20, 2002.
Yes. Yes it is.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 22, 2002.
See, JarlyMarly, its not just you who can post the same thing twice! I will be round to yours later to pick up my award.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 22, 2002.
So, anyway, about the Bliss - I took four capsulettes last night and had a terrible vision of the US bankrolling a terrorist coup in Venezuala. Funny that.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 22, 2002.
Funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 22, 2002.
Funny lots of people dead. Which isn't really peculiar per se, neither is it ha-ha (unless you dub the AP footage with Warner Bros Sound Effects).
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 22, 2002.
I particularly like the one that goes "boing" as they reverse the footage of peon falling to his death under a hail of machine gune fire. That cracks me up.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 22, 2002.
That would be "blissiums me up" in fact?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 24, 2002.
No it wouldn't. He's not reffering to "crack" as in the drug "crack". Are you on Blissium?
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 25, 2002.
Nah, sounds like crack to me.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 25, 2002.
(switches to I Love Everything mode) Crack vs. Blissium - FITE !
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 25, 2002.
I hate myself
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 25, 2002.
Awww, we all love you though.... so long as you stop betraying the drunk by conversing in ILE mode (I will not decend to the depths of refering to that thing as ILX.... learn to spell you stupid people!!!)
-- Celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 26, 2002.
I apologise most beautiful. I love you.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 26, 2002.
Aww my dearest soppy one... love you too... lets stop this now before we embarrass everyone ... remember the question in hand is about Blissium and where to get it.
-- Celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 27, 2002.
so...not romance and where to get it then?thank you both for that happy domestic glimpse...
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), September 28, 2002.
You can get it from Safeways. Now can we please draw a line under this entire episode?
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 28, 2002.
No, not chance, barboy.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 28, 2002.
Responses lose their impact when I'm stood watching you type them.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), September 28, 2002.
No they don't.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), September 28, 2002.
If anyone has come to this thread off Google, please re-read the entire thing for the total story of Blissium.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), September 30, 2002.
So do you know anything about Blissium or what?
-- Poop Ass (sonofbitch@cracklove.com), October 02, 2002.
whilst I agree that this is is a thread which is deservedly heading for immortality, can't we do better than that? I very much fear that this is one of my esteemed colleagues at play.If I'm wrong, and somebody is this stupid, I am greatly cheered- there is hope for my dreams of wealth, to be achieved by selling something to people like this.
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 03, 2002.
Simon, Simon, please! How uncharacteristically ignorant of you. Our very good friend Poop – or rather, since last year’s Birthday Honours, Sir Poop – is accused of stupidity only by those who don’t recognise his subversive ‘non-witty’ wit and his pioneering ‘thought-free’ intelligence. This man is at the cutting edge! (Can’t you tell by how heavily he’s bleeding?)
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 03, 2002.
Stumbled upon this place in a state of foggy bliss. Where am I? Who are you? And the real question "why am I here?" Answer those questions for me and then I might tell you the secrets of the universe. Do you believe me? Am I totally insane? Who knows? Maybe you can figure this out, cause I sure can't. :)
-- Kaitlyyyn (Kittty20002@Yahoo.Com), October 03, 2002.
Your questions are answered here.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 03, 2002.
The number is 888-200-4167.
-- Kristi (KSankey@dpcplays.com), October 04, 2002.
excellent- there was me thinking that it was 42
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 04, 2002.
I just tried ringing that number - it seems to be a hotline for people who want to get tickets for "Jimmy Parkers' Corrosive 21st Century Hoedown".
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 04, 2002.
The number is (01695) 832 498. Ask for Igor.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 05, 2002.
Just phoned that number - it actually works! They're cheap too! If anyone is looking for Blissium, that's your place!
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 05, 2002.
Ummm- that looks awfully like an Ormskirk number?
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 05, 2002.
If you want blissium please call this number.01695 572647
To dial this number from outside the UK:
- dial the International Access Code of the country you are calling from,
- follow that by the Country Code for the country you are calling to (44 for the UK),
- dial the local area code omitting the initial ‘0’ e.g. for London 020 becomes 20
- dial the phone number of the person you want to call.
hope this helps.
-- Blissium sales (sales@blissium.net), October 05, 2002.
Who would have thought that Ormskirk was such a throbbing nerve- centre of the Blissium trade?
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 06, 2002.
Rex, that was a scheme which was elegantly designed with the sole purpose of pissing off someone of our acquaintance by having people ringing them up demanding Blissium at all hours. And you have just ruined it. Hang your head in shame.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 06, 2002.
Well, that was rather what I feared, to be honest. My concern was that your acquaintance might respond to this 24/7 harassment by complaining to Philip Greenspun, who might then take down the whole Blissium page, or even the entirety of Ask A Drunk, and then come right roun’ here ’n’ WHUP MA ASSSS!!!Which one always wants to avoid.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 07, 2002.
My acquaintance is incapable of finding his arse with both hands and the aid of a detailed map. So your fears were groundless. He is, however, deeply unpleasant, so my aims were virtuous.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.
Also, we were absolutely wasted.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 08, 2002.
There is that.
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.
Again.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 09, 2002.
Wow.. i must be the only person never to have posted to the infamous blissium thread...oh hang on....SHIT!!!
-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.
Probably due to the fact that im not a big fan of the old catch phrase comedy.
-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.
So MacKenzie, if that is your real name tell us once again the arcane secrets of cheese on toast.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 09, 2002.
I think the secret is to get a good quality loaf and some decent cheese (good quality cheddar is the classic). Toast one side of the bread, then grate (don't slice and place) the cheese on to the untoasted side, place under the grill one a low heat to ensure maximum cheese meltage, then take 10 and half pills and go completely fucking hatstand.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.
what, no Lea & Perrins? ( The cheesemeister's gone too quiet...)
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 09, 2002.
No, not lea & bloody perrins.... only Hendersons is worthy. Loverly Loverly Hendersons.
-- celeste (celeste@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.
She's right, Hendersons one of only 2 good things to come out of Sheffield.Lea & Perrins is for girls.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 09, 2002.
Your Royal Highness, My Lord Mayor, Aldermen and Sheriffs of Askadrunkshire, My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen – and Hurley:It gives me great pleasure to welcome you all to the Blissium Thread on this very special occasion.
We have gathered here in our thousands to mark the three-month anniversary of the Inauguration Of The Blissium Thread; to unveil this magnificent statue of Amy in the very act of forgetting the Blissium phone number; and to dedicate ourselves anew to the great task of Maintaining The Blissium Thread, Come What May.
As we look back over the previous seven thousand words (and counting), I feel we are entitled to take a certain pride in what has been achieved. Not only did we set out with the disadvantage of knowing absolutely nothing about Blissium, but three months later – having become the World Wide Web’s principal source of information on the subject – we still know absolutely nothing about Blissium. Not only that, we’re learning less and less all the time.
What is the purpose of the Internet, indeed, if not to put an end to the tyranny of knowledge? – to subvert the very concept of data by supplying unmitigated shameless bollocks in response to polite inquiries?
So will the contributors to the Ask A Drunk forum now come forward to the foot of the dais, kneel down, raise their right hands, wave their left legs, and renew their personal Vows Of Blissium?
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 09, 2002.
1. Thou shall not bliss while tuning.
-- scrumtrilescence (scottai10@netscape.net), October 09, 2002.
2. Thou shalt not bear false Blissium
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 10, 2002.
3. Thou shalt not give Blissium to bears. Or grebes.
-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 10, 2002.
4. I shall store my Blissium properly, in an airtight container at 82 degrees Farenheit, thereby promoting the necessary growth of the fungus that gives Blissium its bite.
-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 10, 2002.
Thou shall not, of course, covet thy neighbour's blissium. If you do covet it, do remember to leave his or her ass alone.
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 10, 2002.
6. Don't dis the Bliss.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 10, 2002.
That's a Bomb the Bass song isn't it?
-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 15, 2002.
Fishing with grenades? Works for me. Could combine neatly with a stroll across the water, in a search for Dead Sea Blissium.
-- Simon (weebleman@hotmail.com), October 18, 2002.
I prefer Salt Marsh Blissium
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 18, 2002.
Some of us are compelled to subsist on Barren Tundra Blissium.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 20, 2002.
Scrolling to the bottom of this thread is the Daley Thompsons Decathalon of mouse wheels.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 20, 2002.
And when one does get to the bottom, does one find a crock of gold?Well, not exactly, though there certainly is a crock – but perhaps one shouldn’t examine its contents too closely.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 20, 2002.
Mmmm...smells funny. At least it's not German.
-- Zen Clown (MartyS@iland.net), October 21, 2002.
What have you got against our German cousins, Bobo? It's not very Zen to be so offhand about such a great nation.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 21, 2002.
hmm..well dear, if you really want a natural high..i suggest you call 1-900-HOT-DICK..works all the time for me, and for a lot less than $79/month!
-- smidge cripple (cally922@hotmail.com), October 21, 2002.
I got this email today - ----- Original Message -----From: PRODUCTUNIVERSAL@aol.com
To: paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk
Sent: Wednesday, October 23, 2002 6:55 AM
Subject: herbal
hi, what do you mean by the term you might break your arm?
by falling on it? or just by using it?
let me knoW!
thanks
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 23, 2002.
Whatever you think of this email correspondence, Lynskey, beware! It's what they want you to think. Not that I have any communications with 'them'. We are only nodding acquaintances.
-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 23, 2002.
Helpful Information For VisitorsThe ProductUniversal e-mail relates to this thread.
You may wonder why Lynskey didn’t post it there. The reason is that all of us here at Ask A Drunk are committed to Keeping The Blissium Thread Going, regardless of relevance, and if that means posting our unsolicited e-mails here, so be it.
-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), October 26, 2002.
You slipped up, Lynskey. "German cousins?" What was WW2? A family feud? You've given yourself away. Now everyone knows that you are, in reality, a German spy. Don't try to hide. It's all over. I see it all now. This Ask a Drunk forum is a nest of spies.
-- Zen Clown (MartyS@iland.net), October 26, 2002.
Nest of SpiesNest of spies, nest of spies
How I love your nest of spies
Am I stupid? am I wise?
Do I eat meat? Do I eat pies?
A nest of spies is a dangerous place
Don't like the look, don't like the taste
Don't like the decor, don't like the smell
A nest of spies is a nest of hell.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 26, 2002.
I would like to point out that spy nests are unfairly denigrated... in my, um, purely impersonal and uninformed opinion. I have never inhabited a spy nest, but if I had, I am quite certain I would have enjoyed the free liquor and loose women, five times in 6 hours. Including a three way.
-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 28, 2002.
I'm afraid there's nothing exciting about spy nests at all. They're full of spotty greasy-haired Sean M Hall wannabes who know they'd get court-martialled if they even thought about Blissium. As for hot three-way sex, I've never known any members of intelligence services who could even manage two-way sex. Solo performers to a man...
-- Bollard (tim_collard@yahoo.com), October 28, 2002.
What about the infamous Russian "sex agents" of the Cold War? I've heard many a ribald story of Moscovian cockplay on Channel 5.
-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 28, 2002.
That's all preposterous Putinite propaganda. Russians are all Dead Kennedys*. Still, they do have original methods of testing out their home-grown herbal highs, like pumping them into theatres."Too Drunk to Fuck"
-- Bollard (tim_collard@yahoo.com), October 29, 2002.
Not quite fair actually. The women root like stoats, but even that's no good to our pin-striped percy-punishers or the sociopathic pointy- heads of the CIA.
-- Bollard (tim_collard@yahoo.com), October 29, 2002.