Footwear

Where's my clown shoe? If I don't find it, what will I slosh my martini onto tonight?

-- Hyatt Lee (shahmat@ms63.hinet.net), May 22, 2002

Answers

Barefooting is social acceptable these days you know. Unless of course you've a large foot tattoo saying "I'm a Terrorist, I like putting my hand in nappies and I'm looking to live in your country".

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), May 22, 2002.

police blotter this morn: "large shoe found outside shinto shrine in ormskirk." item subsequently destroyed by sappers for gen'l protection of health safety morals welfare, etc. source of suspicion: thick layer of ground olive husks on sole.

-- hurley (michel@tcn.org), May 22, 2002.

It's a little-known fact that Dean Martin's shoes became so Vermouth sodden that they attracted punitive import taxes when crossing international borders. They were also banned from being within 50 yards of a minor, in certain states, due to the intoxicating vapours they emitted.
Some of Martin's biographers claim that this was the major reason why he never became the teen idol he might otherwise have been. While others simply put it down to the sentimental old crap that he used to sing.

-- Sue Denim (s.denim@spats.r.us.com), May 24, 2002.

It's good to see Vermouth getting an airing. When I was young, it was quite the fashionable thing. Now it could easily be mistaken for the kind of place whither old folks retire - as in "Yes, they just left the mountain goat and a couple of bottles of wine, and moved down to Vermouth."

What other forms of alcoholic drinks could be places? And would we move there?

-- TRD (wellmeaning@hotmail.com), May 24, 2002.

For my own part I have spent many an unhappy family holiday in the Hawaiian resort of Kahlua, wher even my father's amusing "gestures" failed to lift the spirits as my mother paraded us from one dreary volcano to another. However some of my happiest times were spent in the little Breton village of Cassis, where the girls are not only obliging but know when to keep their mouths shut.

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), May 24, 2002.

FCUK as well as being one of the nicest drinks I've ever tasted, is also a range of clothes.

-- Him, you know, him. (that-bloke-who-looks-like@Dr.Fox.twat), May 25, 2002.

The sunrise over the mountains of Tequila is wonderful. But then, when you're permanently pissed, even a dreary little wiltshire village like Bishop's Finger can be bearable.

-- Sue Denim (s.denim@malibu.not), May 27, 2002.

For many years it has been my dream to retreat to an ivy-covered cottage on the outskirts of Watermelon Bacardi Breezer.

-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), May 28, 2002.

Well Rex, you're always welcome for Gin at my country retreat in the little Norfolk village of Southern Comfort, Lime and Lemonade

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve,co.uk), May 28, 2002.