Funny how it's the little things...

Really I should take more pride in my greatest achievements: discovering a cure for pointillism, and reversing the Belgian annexation of Iceland (so swiftly that some people never found out it had happened!). In fact I derive my greatest satisfaction from these altogether smaller distinctions:

Non-radioactive Glaxo Baby of the Fortnight, 1958;

Unique turquoise and onyx Blue Peter badge with platinum clasp, awarded in 1966 for promising never to talk about Christopher Trace’s private life;

Junior Underwater Survival Cup for 1971 (and thanks to all the other boys in my year for holding me down for 45 minutes);

Young Doily-Ironer of the Year, 1975;

Travelling scholarships to Gruinard, 1980, and an isolation unit in Orkney, 1981;

Least improved cadet at Sandhurst (awarded Sponge of Dishonour), 1983;

In 1988 a judge directed that I should be paid £50 from public funds for my heroism in failing to tackle an armed man who was slashing John Bellany paintings;

Model for symbolic sculpture in St James’s Park, The Triumph Of Obesity And Apathy, 1992;

Women of Britain’s Special Award 1995 for saving Robert Kilroy-Silk from drowning, having mistaken him for someone else;

Granted a pension by the Royal Literary Fund, on condition that I stop trying to get my novels published, 1998.

What are the little achievements that give you most satisfaction?

-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), April 06, 2002

Answers

I don't mean to brag, but I matriculated from my home correspondance podiatry course with magna cum laude honors. I haven't put my knowledge to much practical use since I discovered 'arf and 'arf, but the enduring envy of my friends (not to mention the handsome certificate suitable for framing) has made it worth all the effort.

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), April 08, 2002.

For those who may have noted my recent absence from the forum, I offer this explanation. During the past week I have been buried in my researches and I now can reveal my latest and perhaps most important and triumphant discovery.

To wit: due to a rounding error, the number of the Beast is not (as previously thought) 666, but rather 666.000001. For those who are keeping track, this should be included as item 28622 in the list of errata in the back of your family Bible.

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), May 06, 2002.

I am sorry to say my family bible was irreparably damaged when used as a weapon in a domestic dispute.

-- Rex (rex@waitrose.com), May 09, 2002.