Funny song lyrics

Do you like funny song lyrics? If you said yes, good. If no, you're as evil as 490 crazy clowns, drunk on Barcardi and pepsi, driving an ice-cream truck through an retirement catle. If you give me good song lyrics, I'll put them in a Dante story. Thanx, drunks. An example is: Someone gave me food tonight, sugar crumbs. I almost ate my whole leg, didn't I dear? The original lyrics are: Someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear. You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear? "Someone saved my life tonight" By Elton John

-- Sean M. Hall (seanmhall@hotmail.com), October 07, 2002

Answers

You seem to be laboring under the impression that certain numbers, such as 490, are funny. This is wrong. There are whole, numbers, rational numbers, irrational numbers, and hypernumbers, but there are no funny numbers. Except "one". As in, "One musn't grumble. One must bear up as best one can."

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 07, 2002.

why is 6 afraid of 7?

-- scottai (scottai10@netscape.net), October 08, 2002.

because every once in a while, 7 gets a look in it's eye that says "ya, I shave my cats"

-- scottai (scottai10@netscape.net), October 08, 2002.

Quick, Sean, say something funny, NOW DAMN IT, BE FUCKING FUNNY BITCH. Alternatively I suggest you go and visit a mildly cool and damp place located within the foundations of a house, normally where 490 sorry one might store quantities of wine, kids, etc..etc..etc

-- Robin (Robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.

I agree with Robin, say something funny. Anything.

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 08, 2002.

Actually if you ing the above posting to the tune of James' "Say Something" it's quite funny.

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.

It's even funnier if you sing it.

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.

Could anyone lend me a banjo? I got a vision going on here.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.

Ive just been tucking into a lovely brie and grape buttie'. As enjoyable as it was i am now left in a state of curiositic storage as to whether Sean has yet met the demands stated earlier. If not i suggest he resides to a three dimensional quadrilateraly shaped room of bricks, sometimes associated with fairytales such as Cinderella.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.

Brie? as in the staple diet of the "bugs" from Starship Troopers?

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 08, 2002.

I came to the party late. Foolishly I had dallied in one of Ormskirk's less salubrious nitespots. Molly McMolly's, of which the less said the better. I burst in, hastily bought bottle of offy booze in hand and my apologies at the ready, and what did I see? Slack jawed astonishment on the face of everyone. Rex had his head in his hands, robin was pissing in a bottle with less joie de vivre than usual, JImmy couldn't pun for the life of him. I stopped, and wondered what could have caused this, filled with a certain, well, dread isn't too strong a word. Even Lynskey, not normally short of an apercu or two was merely stood pointing, and whispering "Sean...Sean...."

Oh sean, oh Sean, Sean Sean Sean Sean What were you thinking? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nice to see you trying, but in posting comedy song lyrics you have single-handedly ripped the fucking HEART out of comedy. Beyond this no jokes can be made. As no poetry could be written after the horrors of Auschwitz, so no-one can ever try and be funny again.

Just don't try to be funny. It either comes, or it doesn't. Don't force it, you'll prolapse.

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 08, 2002.

Okay, Matt, Rex, gang . . . I'm going to "do a funny" in a few lines time. Are you ready? Yeah? I love comedy. All my friends say I'm really wacky and wierd. Wierd! Aren't big words like "rotunda" a jolly jape! Don't numbers crease you up?! If you all would be so kind as to take half an hour out of your busy day and give me some ideas, I might write them in one of my hilariously brief stories about fuck all, set in fuck knows where, with fuck all redeeming features. I'm so fucking wacky! Wack wack wacky! Do you like zany lyrics? I do! I'm a big fucking cock! Like this "Goodbye Ask a Drunk, I'm going to ruin you with my wacky personality!". The original is Candle in The Wind by Elton John.

Thanx Drunks.

-- Lynskey M. Mincer (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.

Ooh ooh, tell us a star wars joke, maybe about wookies, that would be ace.

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 09, 2002.

Ok ok ok...i got good'n.

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Dante!

Dante who?

Dante sound like a metropocock when i try to make elaborate premeditated jokes that no one gives a David Seaman about.

-- Robin (robin@rjmhome.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.

Ok, my go . . . .

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Sean

Sean who?

Sean M. Hall.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha !! ! ! !

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.

At least our Sean qualifies as a Drunk. This is from http://www.newportthisweek.com/News/2002/0131/Courts_Police_Log/014.ht ml

"Sean M. Hall, 24, of Coventry was arrested at 1:40 a.m. Jan. 25 for driving while intoxicated. Police traveling north on Spring Street observed a black Jeep turn onto the street without stopping for a posted sign and take a wide turn, just missing the curbing. Police stopped the Jeep, which mounted the curb as it pulled over. After speaking with Hall, the operator, for a few minutes and learning he had been drinking, police asked him to submit to a field sobriety test, which he failed. He was taken into custody, where he was cited for refusing to take the chemical breath test." So why is he 24 and still at school? No, wait . . I get it . . .

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 09, 2002.

"magic" pants?

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 09, 2002.

You are very mean. I'm a big fan of Sir Elton. I didn't use "rotunda" to sound smart, it's just its official name. It's been like that since 1915. I'm not 24. I'm only 12. God.

I'm sorry I ever introduced Dante to you morons.

-- Sean M. Hall (seanmhall@hotmail.com), October 09, 2002.

Using your age as an excuse now, are you? Well, I won't be having that. When I was 12 I was fighting rats in the rubbish tip just to get enough to drink. I was lucky if I could scrounge together the price of a pint. Plain lager, too. None of your nut brown ale for the likes of me. Too spendy.

Believe me, if you want mean, your average Norway Brown rat can deliver the goods and to spare. I would have to say that, compared to a Norway Brown, Lynskey's teeth are marginally duller, but he's a strong brute and that makes up for the blunt teeth.

You have to adapt or die. I adapted. I can still eviscerate a rat in under a minute, using only my teeth. Bats are a bit harder. They swoop from behind. You have to listen for the flutter. I'm adapting.

-- Aimless (aimless@national_raffle_association.org), October 09, 2002.

I don't think Dante was all that excited to ride the train to make- believe in the first place. Did you even ask him? Have you ever thought about the huge commitment it takes to be a competitive apple- bobber? Hours upon hours of training in the dark wetness, mouth gaping, endlessly searching for the elusive sweatness. And here comes Mr. Rogers with his twisted plans. "Sure, I'll drop everything so we can play your silly game. No, I wasn't busy at all, I was JUST ON THE VERGE OF ATTAINING NINJATONGUE!!!!" says a dripping wet Dante, covered in apple refuse. And I bet you didn't even blink, did you Sean, or shall we call you Anthony?

-- scrumtrilescent (scottai10@netscape.net), October 09, 2002.

You're sorry? Think about us.

-- Jarl'rmai (parkerj@edgehill.ac.uk), October 10, 2002.

Oh won't somebody please think of the grebes?

-- Matt (Matt@coastaltown.freeserve.co.uk), October 10, 2002.

I don't believe it! The little scrote has made me laugh! "I'm a big fan of Sir Elton". Hahahahahaha!!! For God's sake! Hahahahahaha!!!

So go on, tinytears, tell me why you love Elton so much . . .

-- Lynskey (paul@daymaker.freeserve.co.uk), October 10, 2002.

shut the hell up

-- asasa (ASAMMIEAWA@aol.com), October 15, 2002.

Or Elton gets it.

-- Mr. Bold Type. (look@the.foolishly.ill-disguised-e-mail), October 15, 2002.

Poop

-- Little Timmy (monkeybutt@yahoo.com), October 18, 2002.

wow.poop.and i thought i was braindead. at least i have my totally original name, of course.

-- Scott M. Hall (ivecrashedtheserver@hotmail.com), October 30, 2002.

FUCK BEANS!

-- FUCK BEANS (FUCKBEANS@FUCKBEANS.com), January 17, 2003.